this, which is more painful

more than memory

than even the carbon remnants of memory.

It’s not so much a new dream, nor recurrent nightmare, but the fresh existing in moment of the past. I skin my knee on recollection, I peel the crust of blood and pus from the wounds.

On the telephone you use a word that is only the kind of word that you use, and that word is familiar and unfamiliar and feels timely or is out of time and I am out of time, time is running out. Tomorrow is the beginning of the end or the end of the beginning or the likely sensation that you’re going to look at me and say,

“I am completely out.”

Or did you just do that already?

The air smells of smoke and humidity, or maybe just the acrid Moresby scent of fear. I grip the axe handle tightly and wonder only if the mind is the only menace worse than the world outside.

It’s been a while since I’ve watched the dawn creep in, felt the scenery emerging from the sodium of street light.

====

For those not rocking a very bad headache and an inability to sleep, the thoughtful, present and strong voice of Liv In(the)finite and the oblique magic sound gifts of Emily Grantham will be teaming up at the Drop Block Party in Sydney tonight. See below for a full, capitalised line up brought to you by the Word Travels crew. Do book on line, and you might even see a little Wunce Mag repping, QPF Filmmakers style collaboration between myself and Doubting Thomas in Just before you died. Honoured to be there in spirit, if not in sleep-deprived flesh.

Hosted by Seaton Kay Smith
MUTE MC (Big Village) ROSS HENRY – Liv In(the)finite
SAHA JONES – Video – ANDREW MORGAN – Video
ANIMA – MC DAZZLE – DELIRIUM ENABLER – CODA CONDUCT
CAITLIN STILL- CHRISTIAN BRIMO- PT FRESH
DANIEL EAST- ROB GRAY – S C R I B L A – VIDEO – DANIEL BROWN

By Eleanor Jackson

Eleanor Jackson is a Filipino Australian poet, performer, arts producer, cyclist, writer, gal about town, feminist, freewheeler, and friend.

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