I have a crazy m$%therf*cking headache that has been here since 4pm yesterday, and there is nothing like 14 hours of wanting to amputate your own head to put me in a good mood. So take all of this with a grain of salt.
Because, by and large, I LOVE how many people have sent me this vimeo. I love the individual people, and I love that there are about 10 of them who have all thought – “woah, an invisible HELMET, I have this friend who LOVES helmets, she will surely get a giggle out of this”. I also just love when people send me shit, because it makes life so much easier. Keeping track of what’s cool on the internet is like trying to predict who’s going to give you that STI.
But basically, this is so annoying to me I can’t even believe it. Cycling is my one major connection to consumer culture and regular society (i.e. this is my area for looking at the advertisements, everywhere else I TRY not to see them, but for cycling, I actually pay attention. I care about the policy developments, I look at the news on it. I even watch the sports channels. It’s like fitting in finally.)
I care about my place in this element of capitalist culture, which generally overwhelms me and frightens me. However, this invisible helmet thingy annoys me so much, right from the first moment the girls are “going to be millionaires” to the time when they laugh that others can’t believe “women could invent something so technical” to the $10m of venture capital they’ve raised. Can they go and invent something truly technical like, I dunno, a mechanism that will prevent gender based violence?
If you like to feel the wind through your hair so goddamn much, fine, don’t wear a helmet. I have never once tried to tell you how to live your life. I just try to be complimentary and nice and not have you be deterred by the fact that your hair is squashed when you ride. Please ride your bike, I will like you better. It’s so simple, it’s painful.
I’ve always been receptive to the idea that with a freaking massive bike lane for me and my bike buddies EVERYWHERE and hardly any 60kph moving 1+tonne cars with angry drivers, or better yet, drivers who think “you go girl, on your cute little bike with its basket on the front, you TAKE THAT WHOLE GODDAMN LANE” then I wouldn’t wear a helmet all the time either. We live in a nanny state that wants to remove glasswear and the ordering of multiple drinks because that is what makes us want to smash each others faces in when we are drunk, that we are holding too many glasses, all of them in such cheap commercial glass and that kind of thing makes us want to punch each other in the face, not that dark simmering of rage and wrong and boredom and hate.
I’m going to go and hang out in my la la land where people play string instruments, drip with earnest, love hiking, read Wendell Berry, fudge their first lines and are just nice to each other. I might order a freaking chai at my ridiculous yuppie cafe and just go on being whiter than I ever thought I was going to be.
August. Month of the rant.
(sorry little Alex for stealing your childhood image from Adelaide Cyclist, I hope you’ll forgive)