I’d like to do the same
to find the rhyme within the reason
but I’ve just lost perspective
my mind is right beside me here.
Nothing but persistent,
I have my jaw set, the mandible locked
around the memory of you.
I would never presume you in your present tense:
you, you superman, you Lou Reed, you beastie boy.
I kept your every photograph, the cactus tree
growing inside me, till I was pierced with livid memory
I listened to your tapes until technology took that.
There is no possession in the recollection of somewhat pleasure,
somewhat pain – but still –
I kept the bric a brac of you all until irony burnt them all, razed them,
ashen and dusty. I hit my head the limp and lame baboon
too simpleton for you, too protozoal, unevolved –
rudimentary in my every emotion, for in fact, I only ever had the one:
I wanted to know why
so I could flagellate myself with accuracy.
Punished with blunt tools
I was merely blue for you.