sometimes awkward is beautiful too

I’ve already complained sufficiently about the lack of good blog sausage out there (ugh, I just grossed myself out then).

For those who missed it, however, the basic upshot of my private and public complaints are that men just don’t make as much of an effort with their sartorial safety as women. It’s a mass generalisation, true, but that’s how most of us get through the day, so let’s all just agree to agree that your average (Melbourne) man could stand to make a bigger effort.

(An aside: step one of bigger effort – we ban the wearing of white knicks. This only works for pro-riders who presumably get a new pair each week and never need worry about the inevitable faded/sick skin/dead colour they go after one wash, or the regrettable “oops, I didn’t realise my knicks were transparent” factor. There’s one for you, Dawn. Makes the world a better place right there and then.)

Which is why I was so pleased to run into this fellow the other day. Please look past the fact that the poor guy is obviously confused as to why I’ve come up to him at the lights to ask for his photograph. In his head is the completely sensical (if there’s non-sensical, surely there’s “sensical”, right?) voice that says “who is this creepy stalker lady? And WTF is she talking about with my helmet? I’m running late for work…”

This is also completely understandable. It is creepy these days when strangers approach you. We are taught this from a young age, even though apparently you have to leave your child unattended for some millions of years before they are statistically likely to be abducted. All this stranger danger crap means we have become de-socialised to the random approach and compliment. The only people who approach strangers on the street with compliments are drunk men bumming cigarettes and the people from Oxfam. Which is why it’s so damn awkward when some complete nobody comes up to you and asks for a photograph of you and your bike helmet.

When really, all they’re trying to say is stuff along the lines of:

– Hey, I used to know a girl in high school who had one of these Atom helmets and I thought she was really cool. I love the deeply unscientific approach to helmet – just cover your head and you’ll be right. No complex fasteners. No kevlar panels.  How nice to be reminded of that girl, I wonder what’s she’s doing now?

– Uh, and hi, I really love matching. And your socks are matching your top. Which is also a cute top. I’m always trying to get my boyfriend to wear these kinds of retro Dean Martin tops but he’s very much more Jerry Lewis and it somehow doesn’t work. You, on the other hand, are just a really nicely dressed fellow. I hope you won’t take this poorly, but it kind of reminds me of the pride my grandpa used to take in “going down the shops” for the weekly grocery trip. Most people don’t have that sort of gentle, calm fashion pride any more. It’s all bling or bogan. Sigh.

– Great panniers. Really great panniers. So understated. Leather. I’m a sucker for leather bike accessories.

– Is that a rear view mirror? Wow. And I love your light.

It is, however, very lucky that I didn’t say any of these things because we’d have both been so incredibly ill at ease by the end of it, I’d have never managed to take this photo at all.